Oh the funny, ridiculous and crazy things seen in online dating. As of last October, I took a much needed break from the online dating world. But before I did, I started actually writing down some of the most odd, hilarious and downright stupid things I would see and encounter during the online process.
I intend one day to write a book with all the little excerpts I have collected. But I thought I would give you the top 20. You can't make this stuff up!
My goal isn't to scare you away from online dating. Not at all. But it can be very time consuming and frustrating at times weeding through all the riff raff, and I think you just have to laugh about it. I have met some good guys through online dating. I've also met some that are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. So I hope this gives everyone some comic relief until I have all the material I need to fill a book!
So here goes:
1. Please do not put your mother in your profile picture. If that doesn't have "mama's boy" written all over it, I don't know what does.
2. Please do not use pictures that are 20 years old. If I meet you in person, and you look nothing like your photo, I either 1) won't recognize you, or 2) run.
3. Please don't make your "about me" section a long existential paragraph of nonsense that only you would understand. I don't want to date The Riddler.
4. If you want to say you are kinky, into all kinds of sexual acrobatics, and want to find someone who will try anything with you, please go on Adultfriendfinder.com, not a normal dating site. I'm not a prude, I just don't need to know that right off the bat, and no, I don't wear nipple clamps.
5. Please do not use a profile picture with an animal sitting on your head. No. No, no.
6. If you are bi-sexual, why are you even on this? Your potential dating pool is twice the size of mine. It is having your cake and eating it, too. Literally.
7. If you say you are single, but have a wedding ring on in your profile photo-well, you do the math.
8. I would rethink the user name "failuretolaunch". No woman wants to hear that.
9. Please don't put in your first paragraph that sex is one of the things you like to do. If you're a man, I think that's a given.
10. Spell check -learn it, live it, use it.
11. One guy wrote a 19 line paragraph as to why he didn't use any capitalization in his profile. What a colossal waste of time.
12. Another guy's profile: "I will put this first-yes, I am married, happily I will add, just here for fun...." I think he's lying about the happy part, especially from his wife's perspective.
13. If we have been messaging back and forth and your part of the conversation revolves completely around alcohol, it maybe time to join AA instead of an online dating site. Just maybe.
14. Dude wearing the white blazer with the collar up and the sleeves rolled back-Don Johnson called and he wants his jacket back.
15. If the only photo you have available to post to your profile looks like a mug shot from the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list, maybe it's time to take a new one. Just sayin'.
16. The very first time you contact me on the site, please don't ask me to meet up the next day. Oh yes, I want to meet up with someone I know nothing about who could potentially be the next Ted Bundy. Thanks, but no.
17. Please don't say that dating has become your hobby, and you no longer want to put effort into a worthless endeavor. Where can I sign up for that??
18. A cross dresser messaged me. Now, to each their own, but nowhere in my profile did it indicate that I would be down for that sort of thing. He complimented me on my shoes I was wearing in a photo. I almost messaged him back to see if he wanted to borrow them.
19. Please, if you take a photo of yourself with your phone, and the phone is in the picture, take another one.
20. Humor goes a long way. If you aren't good at it, post a favorite joke and tell us why it cracks you up. Or tell something about yourself that's funny. One guy said "it's true, I like boobs." It was funny, it was honest, and it showed that this is who he is, take it or leave it.
So those are some of the funniest, dumbest and unbelievable things I've come across so far.
I'm sure that the men aren't the only ones who do ridiculous things online. Do you all remember the crying cat lady?